Going round in circles
How do you get through a situation that you know you really want to resolve? There really is no right or wrong answer here. This is all from my own learning. In the past I would separate certain aspects of the situation. How is it going to benefit the other person or myself if we both sit and talk through it? Most of the time,both parties do benefit as it is human nature to talk through incidents like mature adults. Only who out of the two will behave maturely? Will it be the one who wants it more or the one who has instigated the situation in the first place and has done nothing but run or kept in hiding to avoid confrontation? This truly is a hard one. I seem to be going round in circles here. No matter which way you choose, if two parties are not willing to discuss or act on it, it really will be worthless.
Imagine starting up a car knowing that you need the keys to get it going and you realize when you have walked for 10 min that you don't have them on you. You need them right? So you can either scream as loud as you like and the keys will not magically appear to you. You can hope and pray that the person you were with notices and catches up with you and brings them to you - that will be ideal. However, if this other person has taken the keys with them, by mistake and realized once they got home your keys were with them - then calls you and expects you to make your way somehow to them to show them how much you want the keys - it is totally unreasonable. In this case, how will you address this if that person has always been taken care of by you and now that you need the help they have just thrown you a curve ball? If it were in reverse, you would drive back letting them know you will be there as soon as possible to give their keys.
Breathe. The above scenario is not uncommon. I have found that the one who gives and gives receives less from the taker as time goes by. Even in such desperate situations, the taker is also capable of holding this against you. Yes it is so far fetched that its scary and very real. These people do exist. They make up those around us. In most cases, they are disguised as the 'nice' people or the ones who will do anything to help others but you out. Imagine telling another person they know how they have treated you in this car keys situation? It doesn't make sense. Like I wrote earlier, one could keep going round and round in circles reliving these similar behaviors with this particular person endlessly until one breaks. I wonder who will fall first? The giver or the taker? Think carefully before you respond.
Imagine starting up a car knowing that you need the keys to get it going and you realize when you have walked for 10 min that you don't have them on you. You need them right? So you can either scream as loud as you like and the keys will not magically appear to you. You can hope and pray that the person you were with notices and catches up with you and brings them to you - that will be ideal. However, if this other person has taken the keys with them, by mistake and realized once they got home your keys were with them - then calls you and expects you to make your way somehow to them to show them how much you want the keys - it is totally unreasonable. In this case, how will you address this if that person has always been taken care of by you and now that you need the help they have just thrown you a curve ball? If it were in reverse, you would drive back letting them know you will be there as soon as possible to give their keys.
Breathe. The above scenario is not uncommon. I have found that the one who gives and gives receives less from the taker as time goes by. Even in such desperate situations, the taker is also capable of holding this against you. Yes it is so far fetched that its scary and very real. These people do exist. They make up those around us. In most cases, they are disguised as the 'nice' people or the ones who will do anything to help others but you out. Imagine telling another person they know how they have treated you in this car keys situation? It doesn't make sense. Like I wrote earlier, one could keep going round and round in circles reliving these similar behaviors with this particular person endlessly until one breaks. I wonder who will fall first? The giver or the taker? Think carefully before you respond.
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